Barbara Feil's Blog

Ministering to others when you are a mess and other insights from the book of Ruth

Regina Veillet gave the message at our Women's Bible study this week.  It was awesome.  She took us through the story of Ruth and I felt like I had gone to the movies.  I get to hear Lorna, Lindsey and Regina teach twice (Tuesday morning and Wednesday evening - or I teach twice on my weeks).  On Wednesday night I lead one of the table groups and we have never had such a good discussion of the passage.  Renee, at my table had read the entire story and really got into it.  She even looked up key words and phrases on a Bible Dictionary site!

Here is a synopsis of what we discovered about the book of Ruth:

When Naomi left Israel she was married and had two sons.  The question was posed about why the family left. We are told in the text that they left because there was a famine.  Not everyone left during the famine, whey this family?  And they went to live in Moab.  Several women at my table remembered Pastor Ron had said in his overview of Judges on Sunday that Israel was not to be like the Canaanite nations and they were to destroy those cultures who were evil and those that might be left - well, they were to make sure they didn't inter-marry.  We realized that here was an Israelite family who had gone to live among the people God told them to destroy and then their sons inter-married.  So, this is not the family at church with the perfect children and the good Christian life.  They are more like the black sheep family - not exactly in the "center of the will of God".  So Naomi's husband dies, and if that is not enough loss her sons die as well.  Now she has nothing except these Moabitess daughter in laws.  What amazes me is that they love her and she loves them.  So, she took foreign women into her home and loved them even though she knew it was taboo.  Now she has no reason to stay in Moab and she has word that the Lord has relieved the famine in .  She will never fit in there and though she very well might not be accepted in Bethlehem - after fleeing there and then coming back with Moabitess daughter-in-laws.  It will be a hard life as a widow and a widow scorned by her own people, and having forfeited the right to ask for help from her kinsmen - (at least in her own mind!).  Naomi has sentenced herself to a life of bitterness - she sees her circumstances as "the LORD's has gone out against me!".  But she does not want to inflict that story on her daughter-in-laws.  So she tells them to return to their homes, their families of origin and their gods.  (One wonders if she is doubting whether HER God, the GOD will come through for her - so why not have these two young women try their gods...perhaps they will do better?)

Orpah goes home, but not after protesting out her love for this Israelite mother (that's a story in itself), but Ruth begs to stay with Naomi and Ruth indicates part of the reason is Naomi's God.  She has a beginning relationship with this God of Israel and somehow she has come to believe He is her hope and she wants to stay with Naomi says that God has "afflicted her and brought misfortune on her..."  Naomi's response to the town when they ask if this can be her?  "Don't call me Naomi, call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.  I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty..." 

One little side note on that comment.  I think often we make choices (or her husband made choices and it could be that she didn't agree) and then we blame the outcome on God.  Did God tell this family to go Moab and ride out the famine?  I don't think so, I think that was their choice...was God still involved, even in the disastrous consequences?  Of course, he always is - but sometimes he is involved by letting our own choices direct our lives, then he becomes the one who helps tell the rest of the story from the disaster forward.

One conclusion our table came to was that Naomi influenced Ruth's life and somehow made God real to Ruth so that Ruth wanted to follow God, and she did this at a time when her life was a MESS!!!!!  Okay, that has to be comforting.  That means that God can use me to tell other people about who he is even when my life is bitter and off course!!

So, the two women return and apparently Naomi's depression combined with her age and stage of life render her unable to work and so Ruth used the Israelite welfare system (of picking up what's life in the fields - see Leviticus 19:9) and goes to work.  She chooses a field and Regina said the field was an open public one so Ruth could not have known that it was Boaz's and then of course the love story unfolds.  Regina did such a good job of taking us on that journey - the excitement each night as Ruth came home and Naomi asked if she had eaten with Boaz, and what did he say etc.  Naomi must have become increasingly aware that this man who was a potential "kinsman redeemer" was interested in Ruth.  Naomi would never have gone and requested he (or the other relative even closer) to consider taking Ruth and caring for she and Ruth as kinsman who could redeem them from their shame and poverty - and miracles of miracles, this exact reality seems to be unfolding by natural consequence (or should we say, God-designed consequence?). 

So you can read the "rest of the story".  Naomi sends Ruth, after having her put on perfume and her "prom dress" and after Boaz has finished his work and eaten and drank - she is to lay down, uncover his feet and put her head their - an act of such vulnerablility - to declare her desire to be cared for, loved, protected and "covered" by Boaz.  And he responds with love, honor and desire. 

One last note - Regina had mentioned Matthew 1 and the geneolgoy from Adam to David and from David to Jesus.  Four  women, named or mentioned, stand out in that list (first because they are women and the rest are men - fathers only).  The four are First is Tamar, the daughter in law of Judah who in a cry for justice and provision when Judah abandons her, sleeps with him and becomes the mother of Perez and Zerah.  Last is Bathsheba, listed as the wife of Uriah who becomes the mother of Solomon.  And in the middle is Ruth and before Ruth is Rahab.  Rahab is the prostitute who hid the spies from Israel who come to check out Canaan before they conquer the land.  She hides them and helps them escape and then they tell her to keep her family in her home and hang a red cord out the window and when they return to destroy the city she and her family will be saved. 

So, Rahab is the mother of Boaz.  No wonder this middle aged man was willing to look at a foreign woman!!  His mother had been foreign.  God is just a master of weaving our stories together for his purposes.  Regina told us there are no missing pieces (Lindsey Smith had told her that about some random pieces of Regina's life) - and there are no missing pieces in my life OR YOURS!! 

Will you end your life here on earth fulfilled?

Yesterday afternoon I was having coffee with a woman who has become a dear friend. She is an amazing person who's life has been transformed by God and secondarily by cancer.  She wanted me to meet a long time friend from out of town, here to support her through some procedures.  We spent over an hour sharing about our "God-stories" - how and when God has intersected with and what place he has had in our lives.  We talked about how in mid-life your priorities change and the things you thought would satisfy you don't have the same impact.  At one point, her friend asked me, "Do you think you will end your life here on earth satisfied?" 

What she didn't know was that she had hit a nerve.  I have thought about that a lot!!  Not only have I thought about whether I would, but if so what would make me "satisfied"?  When I was younger I thought about all the "normal" things that satisfy, particularly a woman.  Marriage, having children, a nice home, doing something meaningful with your life.  After you deal with the realities of whether your life is going to include any (or all) of those things and you adjust to how they didn't satisfy like you thought they would and you still want more - most of us turn to friendships, recreation, another career milestone or accomplishment.  Eventually you either wake up to the hard cold reality that nothing quite satisfies completely and you settle, or you keep trying to find that "one" thing.

I came to that reality (about nothing here on earth, including people) satisfying and thought that God was the only thing that satisfied.  That said, I constantly asked God to fill me.  Then I had the experience that changed all that. 

It was a year after "the event" that changed my life six and a half years ago.  I was standing in the balcony of the unfinished cement black hole that would become our 2500 seat sanctuary at Sunset Presbyterian.  I looked into the immense, cavernous, empty black hole and thought, "this is my SOUL. It is as empty as this and I want something to fill it.  And when people try it feels like someone is standing in this balcony and trying to fill it with water using an eye-dropper and I want to say 'GET A FIRE HOSE!!'"

That realization changed me.  First, I stopped trying to get people to fill the empty space and bring satisfaction.  I already knew I shouldn't rely on that, but since God created us for community, it was always pretty hard not to.  (And, not asking people to meet the cavernous, black hole of need in my life doesn't mean I don't ask for legitimate needs to be met, the biggest difference is how I respond when they aren't met...I'm no longer completely decimated!)  Second, I began to ask God to fill the need...okay, I begged God to fill the need.  If he did, then I would be satisfied, fulfilled, complete.

That was when I had the encounter that really changed my perspective on being fulfilled in this lifetime.  One day I was praying my "please fill me Jesus, fill this black hole of need in me" prayer - and I heard God say to me, "NO, I won't fill it - BUT I WILL COME LIVE WITH YOU, DWELL WITH YOU in the emptiness." 

When you hear something that you know you couldn't conjure up and isn't exactly what you wanted to hear and it resonates with all the mysterious parts of Scripture - it's usually the voice of God - and this was!! 

So, will I end my life fulfilled?  Yes, but not because I am satiated.  I will be fulfilled because God is living with me in this howling wasteland called earth and I will still want more - but not here.  As my friend Muriel Cook used to say, "This is just the race, the LIFE comes later."  I will wait for true life...true community...true intimacy...while living out my time here on earth for HIS purposes. 

Terri, I guess the answer is "yes and no".  No, I will never be completely satisfied until I see Jesus face to face.  Yes, because he does satisfy me daily with as he dwells with me. 

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love..."  Psalm 90:14

Obedience...yes...but what does "from the heart" mean? Or...Faith just out of reach

Deuteronomy 30: 11-16

Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.  It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven and get it and proclaim it to us so that we may obey it?"  Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so that you may obey it.

See I have set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.  For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

I am preparing a sermon on The Churches Role in Reaching the Next Generation.   My text will be Deuteronomy 11.  I have been thinking and praying about this for some time and I know part of what I want to share is my own story.  I have been in either youth or adult ministry in the church for 35 years.  (Wow, not sure I should admit that...would you believe I started when I was five?)  In addition I grew up in a Christian home with parents who had been missionaries in Japan after World War II.  So, even though I don't have children of my own, I feel I have some unique insights to share. 

Here is my question about the above passage, and ultimately about much of the book of Deuteronomy.  When did the church I grew up in disconnect the "heart" from obedience?  I'm sure they didn't intend to.  All through the book of Deuteronomy it talks about obedience...just like it says, keep his commands, decrees, and laws... That was the part I heard loud and clear.  Both my parents taught obedience to God's law, their rules, and "good Christian living" (you know, don't dance, don't drink, don't smoke and don't go out with guys who do those things!).  So I and my siblings didn't go to school dances, didn't go to movies, didn't play cards and were at church most Sundays and Wednesday nights.  Almost all of what we were told to do was EXTERNAL or BEHAVIORAL.  I'm sure my parents believed we were "good Christian kids", but were we?

Where was the teaching about our HEARTS?  And about LOVING GOD?  I don't ever remember my mother talking about loving God...obeying God yes!  Loving God...not so much!  I do remember some conversations later in life with my Dad where this became more central and I do remember some passion in his walk with God.  After he died, we did find some early journals he wrote on his way to Japan and there was certainly evangelistic zeal, and definitely more of a personal tone to his walk with God, but were there expressions of LOVE?  Did this lack of connection between loving God and obedience keep true Christianity just out of reach for us?  Did it make a generation of us think, especially as we entered adulthood and struggled with or simply stopped keeping the rules, that what it took to live a "good Christian life" was somewhere in heaven or overseas, but definitely not within our reach?

So, what did the lack of connection between HEART AND OBEDIENCE look like to me and my siblings?  It looked like this: Follow the rules and you'll keep dad and mom and God and the church happy.  Unfortunately, it didn't go much further.  So, when and what made me fall in love with God? With Jesus?  Actually it was the loss of my first real boyfriend, first real love in high school that sent me angrily searching the Bible and I stumbled on Psalms and the Word of God became relevant because it expressed raw human emotion.  I found I could relate and I felt understood.  I learned that God allowed an honest ventilation of my feelings, even my anger, if when I was done I would say,"You are still MY God."  And I saw expressions of love for God from people who had sinned big and struggled deeply.  It changed me forever.  It was through that lens that I began to study the rest of the Bible and realized God was more interested in the HEART than most of us are!  He wants obedience...but in almost EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE HE CONNECTS OBEDIENCE TO THE HEART.  God doesn't want JUST DUTY.  Duty is how my mom lived her life, and at the end she didn't think God loved her.  I didn't cry as mom's life was ebbing away, I cried when she breathed her last breath because I knew she was running into Jesus arms and her heart was crying, "He loves me!  He really loves me!!  All this time, he really loved me!!" 

So, when did the church disconnect obedience and the heart?  I'm not sure.  Maybe it was the modern age, the age of reason and the reduction of God's Word to something you could study and master rather than a messy, dirty, crazy story of God's love and His unyielding attempts to reach us with that love.  Maybe it was the age of propositional truth aimed at helping us live "better lives".  Maybe it was a reaction to the 60's and the attempts of parents to keep thier kids from becoming hippies...I don't know for sure and better minds have written on this.  All I know is a generation today is crying for a connection between the heart and obedience.  "Don't just tell us WHAT TO DO, TELL US WHY WE SHOULD DO IT?"  I think they long to engage with a God who is not afraid of their sin, brokenness, failure and struggle.  That God didn't really exist in my house growing up...except in my room when I opened to Psalms. 

So...that's all my random thoughts...I preach on March 22nd so feel free to listen and give me feedback.  www.sunsetpres.org

God works little by little... ever want him to work faster? Deuteronomy 7:22

It's Saturday morning - cloudy - snow is forecast for tonight and tomorrow morning and it's March.  We "spring forward" tonight, what's with the snow?  But this morning I have my Quiet Time Playlist on my I-POD and I've had some great time to read and reflect, to write in my personal journal and to listen to the heart of God and ask him to speak to me.

Some of you who may read my blog or are part of the community who hear me teach know that I am struggling between journaling online and journaling with pen and paper.  I love the world where what God is speaking to me and what I am learning from his Word can be shared at the same time as I keep it for myself on my blog - but there are moments where I need to pour out deeper, more private and personal issues and insights that would not be appropriate for this public forum.  So, I've gone back to a paper and pen journal for those thoughts - kept between God and I - but am still committed to sharing what God is teaching me from the Word here.

So this morning I was journaling about an area in my life where there is so much potential for healing, wholeness and restoration.  There is just one problem.  IT'S NOT HAPPENING FAST ENOUGH.  Do you have an area of your life like that?  It could be a job hunt, a relationship where you long for healing.  It could be the natural "next step" in your life - marriage, parenthood, a home you actually own, the obvious career move.  You want it, you can taste it, God hasn't denied it...it seems in line with his will...it's just taking a long time. 

This morning I read Deuteronomy 7.  Moses communicated all this to the nation of Israel some almost 40 years earlier (see Exodux 23),the first time they were perched to enter the promised land, but they didn't get it - so now Moses pushes "re-send" to ensure that they hear God's words before they enter the land that God has promised them. 

Deuteronomy 7:21-22 says,

Do not be terrified by them, for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a great and awesome God.  The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little.  You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you.  But the LORD you God will deliver them over to you...

What struck me this morning were the word, little by little.  How often does God work in your life litte by little?  How often do you (and I) want him to work fast and faster?  It could be a result of a culture where we have so much instantly...we hate to wait while our computer re-boots, and we bemoan when it isn't fast enough.  We pop something in the microwave and wait impatiently as the seconds tick by.  We wish the person in front of us would move through the intersection faster so we can make the light.  Little by little doesn't sound very fun!! 

But God had his reasons for the little by little movement over immediate movement.  The nation of Israel simply wasn't large enough to be able to inhabit the land and it would have been over-run with wild animals and so God gave them the land little by little. 

As I said, there is an area in my life where God is trust working, but it is little by little.  Undoubtedly God has his GOOD reasons.  Something is being worked out me and in others.  Something is being prepared and something else is being restrained so that all is ready (no wild animals!?).  How about you?  In what area of your life are you watchinging God work little by little? 

Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the LORD...

 

February 14, 2009 – Valentine’s Day with Jesus – And Reflections on God’s faithfulness throughout my Ministry Years from Psalm 105

I was reading Psalm 105 during our prayer time at Session.  Given where we are as a church and my own reflections the last few days I am amazed at what I a read.  It is all about how the God who has led me all my life led the Israelites…God orchestrated both the good and the bad, both the pleasant and the unpleasant, both the struggle and the victories. 

Here are some excerpts:

4 – Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.  Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced…7 – He is the LORD our God; his judgments are in all the earth.

8 – He remembers his covenant forever, the word he commanded, for a thousand generations, the covenant he made with Abraham (and me)…10 – He confirmed it to Jacob as a decree, to Israel as an everlasting covenant:  “To you I will give the land of Canaan as the portion you will inherit.”

Father, what portion is mine to inherit?  What do you have for me?  You have given me so much – even when I have been unfaithful…what do you have now? 

These next verses reinforce God’s deep involvement in every affair of our life:

12 – When they were few in number, few indeed, and strangers in it, they wandered from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another.  He allowed no one to oppress them; for their sake he rebuked kings; “Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.” 

Father, you have taken care of me as a woman in ministry.  As a woman I am often the minority, often overlooked or undervalued (unintentionally most of the time!)  Yet you have been my protector.  You did not allow me to be oppressed and You rebuked those with power around me who could have done me harm.

16 – He called down famine on the land and destroyed all their supplies of food and he sent a man before them – Joseph, sold as a slave.  They bruised his feet with shackles, his neck was put in irons, till what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the LORD proved him true. 

The king sent and releases him, the ruler of peoples set him free.  He made him master of his household, ruler over all he possessed, to instruct his princes as he pleased and teach his elders wisdom. 

Father, I know I have suffered at times and didn’t understand or see your bigger plan.  I have sat in places of confinement like Joseph and wondered what would become of my future and had you intervene and had YOUR WORD prove me true…truly that is the story of South Hills and my leaving there and YOU giving me the opportunity to live out your love for YOUR church in another place.  Have YOUR way again LORD.

23 – Then Israel entered Egypt; Jacob lived as an alien in the land of Ham.  The LORD made his people very fruitful; HE made them too numerous for their foes, whose hearts HE turned to hate his people.  HE sent Moses, his servant, and Aaron, whom he had chosen.  They performed his miraculous signs among them, his wonders in the land of Ham.  He sent darkness…HE turned their waters into blood…He spoke, and there came swarms of flies…HE turned their rain into hail…HE stuck down their vines and fig trees…HE spoke and the locusts came…Then HE struck down all the firstborn in their land, the firstfruits of all their manhood. 

37 – HE brought out Israel laden with silver and gold, and from among the tribes no one faltered…HE spread out a cloud as a covering, and a fire to give light at night…They asked and HE brought them quail and satisfied them with the bread of heaven…HE opened the rock, and water gushed out; like a river it flowed in the desert. 

42 – For HE remembered his holy promise given to his servant Abraham.  HE brought out his people with rejoicing, his chosen ones with shouts of joy; he gave them the lands of the nations, and they fell heir to what others had toiled for – that they might keep his precepts and observe his laws. 

Father, it is evident in how the Psalmist recounts what you did for your people, when they were the nation of Israel, that YOU are “Large Marge In Charge”, YOU are sovereign and in charge and have purpose and plan for all you do!!  Sometimes I cannot see this or I cannot imagine that YOUR purpose and plan could include little me – little female me – who loves YOUR church and the body and loves to see people come to know you and grow in their love and intimate knowledge of you.

Yesterday I almost grudgingly met with a woman– a 60’s something woman who has connected with our 50-60’s singles ministry.  From all outward indications this woman is a mess…three failed marriages, poor financial decisions, and a spiritual history from the Episcopal church to many years as Mormom…yet as she shared her story it is ABUNDANTLY EVIDENT that you have been there all those years and even used her significantly and spoken to her and she has come to know your love for her.  What a reminder of who you are and how you work, in every person's life...mine included.

And now, whatever comes…I know YOU are with me and YOU are in charge and I submit to YOU!!

 

January 23, 2009 – An early morning with God and the Mountain

It is 6:57 am.  Not that early…but I’m home, don’t have to go anywhere and it’s You, God and me and the mountain.  I love this time.  Speak to me, as I enjoy the red sky and dark silhouette and the sunrise against the clouds.  Speak to me…

Psalm 71

In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;

let me never be put to shame.

Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;

Turn your ear to me and save me,

Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go;

Give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.

Deliver me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from the grasp of evil and cruel men.

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.

From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.

I will ever praise you. 

I have become a portent (sign, wonder, on display) to many, but you are my strong refuge.

My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. 

Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. 

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For my enemies speak against me; those who wait to kill me conspire together. 

They say, “God has forsaken (her); pursue (her) and seize her, for no one will rescue (her).

Be not far from me, O God; come quickly, O my God, to help me. 

May my accusers perish in shame; may those who want to harm me be covered with scorn and disgrace.

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.

My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.

I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to THIS DAY (January 23, 2009) I declare your marvelous deeds.

     Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the NEXT GENERATION, your might to all who are come.

Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things.

Who, O God, is like you?

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

How incredible to read these words this morning.  Six years ago I was waiting for Bruce to come down from Seattle and talk to me – knowing something big was about to happen.  Knowing something was going on – but having no real sense of just how much my life was about to change!  As I move toward the anniversary of that Sunday I am in awe of how faithful you have been Father.  Not always as I might have designed – certainly you have used these years to change me – to deepen me – to refine me – to teach me of your love and truth – to use me as a “portent”, while you remained my refuge.  You carried me when I couldn’t walk, opened new avenues to allow me to run, held me in your arms when I cried out to you, and sustained me when I had no light and nothing pouring into me.  You put me in a community where I could both serve, grow and in a smaller community where I could be loved and supported. 

And now I begin another season…one in which there is the potential for my life to be re-entwined with the man who seemed to be the enemy I needed protection from in the beginning of this journey and now is changed – different and new.  It is still scary to re-engage – without promises, or guarantees or firmer commitments.  Something in me says that this way is the way it should have been from the beginning because relationships built on promises and guarantees don’t allow for humanity and brokenness and forgiveness and risk all things that are part of human relationships.  We tend to think that “Christian Marriage”, a sacred marriage does not include such things as deep hurt, betrayal, great risk, and acceptance of the brokenness that is in all of us. We don’t allow for “pentimento” or when the painter repents and paints over what he began.  I wonder though if that is part of the human condition and the truest master pieces have underneath a different picture…and both are works of art – each in different ways. 

What I want for today and this week and month – when I remember the path you have brought me on – is to do as David says and always have hope and praise you more and more – to tell of your righteousness, of your salvation, all day long, though I know not its measure.  I love those words!!  I do not know the measure of Your salvation but I know as each day passes, I will. 

Sometimes you just have a bad day...

It's beautiful and sunny (after a cloudy morning).  It's summer.  I went and saw "Mama Mia" last night for fun with Carrie, my niece.  I had lunch yesterday with a wonderful woman I am getting to know - I had dinner with Bruce and Jeff and Mollie Luppinanchi on Thursday night, but today I am having a hard day.  I am struggling internally (God and I are talking through some things), I had the wrong directions to an important event and searched for 45 minutes, couldn't reach anyone and went home.  I need to be writing a sermon and I keep doing other stuff.  But all that is not really "it" - it's just a hard day.  My reserves are not what they usually are.  I am hurting for others, and have had a difficult week (despite some bright spots).  I love that in Jeremiah 20, the prophet goes from anger to sadness to praise to abject depression.  He ends with a passage wishing he had never been born.  I am studying 2 Corinthians 1 and Paul talks about how he despaired of life itself.  I am so glad that God isn't afraid of my feelings...

Catching Up Part 2

Thank you to the few of you who let me know you read.  I think I'm beginning to understand that blogging is like journaling in that you need to think of it as primarily for yourself - an on-line journal to capture what you are doing, what God is speaking to you and for me of course, thoughts about ministry.  So, I'll give that philosophy a try...

I am finishing a week dedicated to preparing for my 3rd Residency at Gordon Conwell Seminary in Boston, MA.  This is part of a Doctor in Ministry Program where you spend two weeks a year for three years there on campus and then you read, write papers and do assignments around the topic of that Residency throughout the year.  All of this is preparation for the writing of your thesis/project which is like a more experiential version of a dissertation.  The thesis is an up to 100 page, 5 chapter document supported by research, with an addendum which includes a project designed to address the problem that the thesis addresses.  I will be writing and developing this over the next 9 months.

What I would like to do over the next couple of weeks is to share some of what I am learning and struggling with in my studies.  I had to complete one pre-requiste for full acceptance into the DMin program - 6 units of a class in Christian Thought.  I chose to take a week long, on campus course on Ministry in a Post modern Matrix at Fuller Theological Seminary in Los Angeles.  For that class I had to read 12 books on the impact of post modern culture on the church and on the emergent church movements, as well as explore widely websites and blogs devoted to these issues.  It was fascinating!!  I "grew up" in ministry during the development of the seeker movement.  I visited Willow Creek before it was a church, when it was a youth ministry.  I was part of planting two seeker youth ministries in California and Oregon.  Later my husband I were part of an actual seeker-targeted church that met in a movie theater.  I rode that movement to it's zenith and it was quite a ride.  So to watch as the methods we used to reach so many baby boomers now become increasingly less effective has been amazing.  Our world has changed - the gospel hasn't - but the culture around us has and the church must respond - not with a knee jerk, not with new "programs" but with a thoughtful, well studied, Spirit-led response.

Some of the books I read are listed on my reading list.  Many of you will never study or read anything about this change - it will just happen around you.  Paul knew about this phenomenon.  He talked about it in I Corinthians 9:19-23...

To the Jews I became like Jew, to win the Jews.  To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law.  To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law.  To the weak I became weak, to win the weak.  I have become all things to all men  so that by all possible means I might save some.  I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in it's blessings. 

I felt called to ministry as whole life pursuit in order to see high school and college age women come to know Christ as I had - my Savior and the lover of my soul.  That desire to see men and women come to know Christ this way has never waned - the methods will but the message is timeless.  I will share more of my educational journey over the next three weeks...

What do you think of how the church today is changing?