January 23, 2009 – An early morning with God and the Mountain
It is 6:57 am. Not that early…but I’m home, don’t have to go anywhere and it’s You, God and me and the mountain. I love this time. Speak to me, as I enjoy the red sky and dark silhouette and the sunrise against the clouds. Speak to me…
Psalm 71
In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
Turn your ear to me and save me,
Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go;
Give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.
Deliver me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from the grasp of evil and cruel men.
For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.
From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.
I will ever praise you.
I have become a portent (sign, wonder, on display) to many, but you are my strong refuge.
My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long.
Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.
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For my enemies speak against me; those who wait to kill me conspire together.
They say, “God has forsaken (her); pursue (her) and seize her, for no one will rescue (her).
Be not far from me, O God; come quickly, O my God, to help me.
May my accusers perish in shame; may those who want to harm me be covered with scorn and disgrace.
But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to THIS DAY (January 23, 2009) I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the NEXT GENERATION, your might to all who are come.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
How incredible to read these words this morning. Six years ago I was waiting for Bruce to come down from Seattle and talk to me – knowing something big was about to happen. Knowing something was going on – but having no real sense of just how much my life was about to change! As I move toward the anniversary of that Sunday I am in awe of how faithful you have been Father. Not always as I might have designed – certainly you have used these years to change me – to deepen me – to refine me – to teach me of your love and truth – to use me as a “portent”, while you remained my refuge. You carried me when I couldn’t walk, opened new avenues to allow me to run, held me in your arms when I cried out to you, and sustained me when I had no light and nothing pouring into me. You put me in a community where I could both serve, grow and in a smaller community where I could be loved and supported.
And now I begin another season…one in which there is the potential for my life to be re-entwined with the man who seemed to be the enemy I needed protection from in the beginning of this journey and now is changed – different and new. It is still scary to re-engage – without promises, or guarantees or firmer commitments. Something in me says that this way is the way it should have been from the beginning because relationships built on promises and guarantees don’t allow for humanity and brokenness and forgiveness and risk all things that are part of human relationships. We tend to think that “Christian Marriage”, a sacred marriage does not include such things as deep hurt, betrayal, great risk, and acceptance of the brokenness that is in all of us. We don’t allow for “pentimento” or when the painter repents and paints over what he began. I wonder though if that is part of the human condition and the truest master pieces have underneath a different picture…and both are works of art – each in different ways.
What I want for today and this week and month – when I remember the path you have brought me on – is to do as David says and always have hope and praise you more and more – to tell of your righteousness, of your salvation, all day long, though I know not its measure. I love those words!! I do not know the measure of Your salvation but I know as each day passes, I will.
Oh My. I nearly wept when I read this post. That Psalm is beautifully appropriate -- to me too. Thank you for sharing it.
I sometimes think we need a certain level of maturity and self-understanding before we can really appreciate a relationship with no expectations. I'm very fortunate that Brad and I began our relationship like that -- just accepting each other and our annoying habits and quirkiness. It's nice to be able to look past all that and be secure in our love for each other.
I've been praying and hoping for your reconciliation. That you both have a toe on that path is wonderful.
Posted by: Heather | February 22, 2009 at 11:16 AM
Well, I'm reading this a month later, on an anniversary date for me. My situation is different but these "portent" words embraced me so hard I wept over my lap top tonight.
God you are my refuge, you are stable.
You are my bridegroom ...
Posted by: Heidi | February 25, 2009 at 06:15 PM